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An Honest Conversation About Being A Mum Of Two

Asaba has been in our lives for almost a whole month now and, over the course of this month, I am pretty sure I have experienced every emotion known to man. I have felt such intense love for both my children but also intense guilt that I am not dividing my time equally between them. I have cried in front of slightly concerned looking midwives, I have been so giddy with joy that I thought my heart could explode, and I have sat up in the dead of night looking at pictures of my babies together and feeling a contentment that I can't put into words.

The post-partum period is intense. Emotionally but also physically. The uterine contractions were so much more painful second time around and my back is still sore to date (from what, I am not entirely sure). And, if we are being mega honest here, I still find myself mentally noting every public toilet I see when I am out because my bladder really isn't what it used to be. The recovery period was longer than with Ava - and that is before we even start to discuss breastfeeding.

This time around, I was adamant that I wanted to breastfeed after it was so hit and miss the first time around. I really wanted that experience of nursing a child. But, man, is it hard work. Thankfully, I was able to get some help from the breastfeeding expert on the neonatal ward we were on (despite having been discharged) because Asaba basically chewed my nipples straight off. After a month, I think we're getting the hang of things though. Although I doubt my nipples will ever recover (RIP).

This time is so blessed and I feel so grateful for everyday with my two children but, at the same time, it has been a lot. There have been days where Isaac has been at work and I have felt so stressed and overwhelmed. There have been days when Ava has been really playing up for attention and I have gotten angry rather than understanding her needs. As wonderful as this time is, it is also hard. Despite what Instagram wants us to believe, parenting isn't always picture perfect strolls through the park jumping in puddles followed by hot chocolate stops at the local café. Some days you will stay indoors because it is just easier than trying to get everyone dressed and ready. Some days you will be shouty mum and hate yourself for it. Some days you will be so busy that you realise by 10pm that you have only had two bites of a half-eaten sandwich all day. That is the reality of parenting more than one child (well, at least it is my reality) and I think it is important that we talk about this otherwise new mums will go around thinking they are failures for not doing Pinterest-worthy crafts everyday with their toddler whilst a very well-behaved newborn sleeps swaddled in a moses basket nearby.

Our first month has been a whirlwind. It has been hard and exhausting but also filled with bursts of joy and boundless love. It has been overwhelming but, looking back, I wouldn't change any of it (ok, maybe the nipple issue).

You may also enjoy:
Asaba's Birth Story
How I Found Out I Was Pregnant With Asaba
I'm Not A Cool Mum And That's OK
Reclaiming My Identity Post-Partum
Things I Wish I'd Been Told About The Newborn Stage

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