Thursday, 1 November 2018

Reclaiming My Identity Post-Partum


Motherhood isn't easy. From the sleepless nights dosing your kid up on Calpol as they cut their first tooth to when they start to walk and you do a little cry because they are growing too fast and you worry they won't need you anymore, every stage brings a new challenge. Your whole life takes a massive shift and you barely even recognise the person you were before. Now everything revolves around the child - hell, you have probably called food 'nummy nummy' in front of other adults at some stage because you have your mum head permanently screwed on. You often wonder what you even used to do with all that time you had. You used to have big dreams of travelling the world and probably working for the UN on very important business lady stuff. Now your dreams revolve around a lie-in on a Sunday morning and going to the loo alone. Everything has changed.

And, let's be real here, it is not all sunshine and rainbows. If you're anything like me, you imagined this utopia where you'd be cooking pies, and the whole house would be spotless, and your child would nap a lot, and you'd go on cute little adventures together everyday which they would definitely love and not scream bloody murder throughout. That's not to say some days aren't like that (and that I don't love my girl so much that my heart could just explode even when she doesn't sleep and has tantrums in public) but some days really are hard work. Every parent has days like this. It is normal but it never makes it any less exhausting.

The thing is, this little bundle of joy is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I am proud to be her mum and I love seeing her learn new things every day. But being a mum really is all-encompassing. You suddenly see everything through a baby-centred lens and it is so easy to lose yourself because any time you try to do anything unrelated to caring for the child, you get the mum guilt. You start to think 'omg how can I even care about anything other than my child? I am actually a monster' and your rational pre-pregnancy brain just shrugs its shoulders and lets your new mumzilla brain run wild.

But I think the secret to reclaiming a bit of who you used to be is tackling this mum guilt and knocking it straight out. Imagine how much us mums could achieve if we just stopped feeling guilty all the time. We should be more like dads. You never see dads burying their heads into the child's blanket and crying because you sent them to nursery for the afternoon. We need to hold onto our hobbies and ask for help when we need it. Not even help - we need to ask for a break. We need to stop trying to do everything and let other people help. Hand the child over and go and have a bubble bath. Phone up the baby sitter and go see a movie. We need to start putting ourselves first sometimes and understand that that is perfectly ok - and healthy.


For me, blogging is my outlet. It is something I have been doing since 2012 and has been one constant through the last 6 years of my life. But I thought I wouldn't have time for it once Ava arrived. And, in all honesty, I don't have time for it. There are dishes in the kitchen that need cleaning right now but I am choosing to sit down and type this out. The time I spend taking outfit pictures could probably be better spent meal prepping for the week or sterilising everything we own. But, the thing is, I need to carry on doing this because it is something that I have a passion for and I don't want to resentfully give up my passions and then kick myself in twenty years. Yes, trying to balance being a mum with anything is hard but, for me, it is completely necessary. Even if it is just for bashing out a rant in the drafts and never publishing it just to get it out of my system.

Reclaiming your identity isn't easy and it comes in lots of shapes and forms. I like to blog and put on nice clothes and do my makeup. 90% of the time, I am mum doing mum duties and running the house. But the 10%, I am going to events and putting together looks and shooting content. I love being a mum and it does fulfil me providing for Ava and seeing her happy but I also love the other things I have in my life. Being a mum is the main part of who I am and what I do right now (it always will be) but I am other things and I do other things. So, whether you love scrapbooking or going for runs or being part of a photography club, try to make time to do those things. Indulge your passions and know that it doesn't make you a bad mum. And, whilst you're at it, tell your mum-guilt-zilla brain to calm down and let you live.

What's your hobby?

Outfits:

Me
Jacket: Topshop (similar)
Jeans: Primark (similar)
Scarf: Primark (similar)

Ava
Jacket: Primark (similar)
Trousers: Primark (similar)
Socks: Morrisons (similar)
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5 comments

  1. Loved this! I'm not a mum but this summer, I watched a baby pretty regularly each week and it was quite stressful at times. Not to talk of having to watch a child almost 24/7. Mums are so awesome and do so much. I'm glad you have blogging as an outlet, you're good at it. Your daughter is so adorable! xx

    Coco Bella Blog

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  2. I loved this post, I'm not a mum but read a book recently about a father and sons relationship and it really put into perspective the intensity of a parents feelings for their child. I think you 100% deserve to take breaks and I hope your mum brain won't impose any guilt on you eventually. I can't believe a wish is now to use the toilet alone, my sister said she has the same wish all the time with her kid- eventually loo time will be peaceful! Also- Ava is super cute x
    constantlylibby.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. Wow, your little bundle of joy is absolutely beautiful!

    Danielle xx
    https://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

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  4. I am nowhere near ready enough to have children, but I love reading your posts about these kind of things because it makes the future seem more realistic. It's nice to see someone write about their experiences of motherhood honestly. I can't wait to read more about your journey as a mother (it makes me feel a lot more 'ready' for my moment, whenever that may be).

    Lizzie // Hello Lizzie Bee

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  5. This is such an eye opener, Lauren! I love this post so much so that I could totally relate to every single thing that you said ❤️ when I became a mom, I had to stopped blogging and everything that I used to do before Samantha came. Then a year later, it hit me: why the fuck did I stop all of the things that I love and the things that I have so much passion for? I love my daughter more than anything else in the world, I'd give my life if I have to but I'm also a human. I've got other stuff to do other than being a mom. Blogging is also my outlet and right now I am enjoying the fact that I tag along my daughter on my blog content and I've never been so happy! This is such a great post, will surely share this one with other moms! ❤️

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