Saturday, 1 September 2018

Friendship In Adulthood


I have never really been a social butterfly. In all honesty, I have spent most of my life much preferring having my head in a book than going to parties and surrounding myself with people. But I have always had a small circle of friends. Girls that I would spend hours on the phone with discussing every part of our lives, planning our futures, and mooning over the boys we fancied. As I got older, my circle of friends got smaller. With every year that went by, it seemed like I lost contact with another friend. What with working and partners and travelling and everything else that comes with being in your twenties, keeping childhood friendships alive became hard and some of the people I once called my best friends soon became people that I only heard from when they wished me happy birthday on Facebook once a year.

Friendship as an adult is difficult. You're no longer at school where you'd just befriend the person who was sat next you on the seating plan or the girl who likes the same scent of Charlie body spray. If you work, you often find that you have 'at work friends' but those friendships rarely leave the office. Or, if you are a stay at home parent, you find that friendships at parenting groups revolve around your kids but are never really friendships - just people you sit next to when you sing nursery rhymes and talk to about how much your baby sleeps. Our lives become much more compartmentalised and navigating friendship becomes a little bit more tricky. Searching for a friend that isn't just a work friend or just a mum friend but a true friend can sometimes feel like searching for a unicorn.


For me, I have very few friends. I am still in contact with some of the girls I grew up with and I absolutely love them but also there are some whose lives have taken a completely different direction to mine and I find that we struggled for things to talk about. And I think that is really the reality of holding onto childhood friendships into adulthood. We are all kinda struggling to make friends so we hold onto the people we know but often these aren't the people we would naturally gravitate towards now. That's not to say that I don't love these friends - I have a handful of friends that I still get on well with and have a laugh with but that can't always be said with every friendship. As you get older, I think you learn which friendships are worth the time and effort but you also see which friendships were more friendships of convenience rather than a true relationship.

But maybe that is what makes the friendships we form in adulthood more special. We all have so little time in our busy lives but we do make time for the people who are important to us. Rather than just befriending the person you were placed next to in class or the girl who also hates PE, you befriend someone because of who they are, what they believe, and how we feel when we are around them. As adults, we don't just make friends because we don't want to sit alone at lunch. We make friends because we believe these people can add something to our lives. Because we value them as people and like being around them.

But I think we also have to accept that friendship is different as an adult. Sometimes a friend needs to understand that being left on read doesn't mean we hate them - it just means we are mega busy (and the baby is probably trying to pull the TV onto herself or eat stands she has pulled off the carpet). Adult friendship is a bit less passionate than the friendships we had as teenagers where we'd stay up all night talking on the phone and vow to run away together and date popstars. As an adult, we just need a friend that we can go to coffee with and rant about life together and occasionally go out all night and pretend we're not exhausted by 11pm. Adult friendships call for more understanding. It doesn't mean these connections don't run as deep as the ones we had as teens but they are just different. Because life is different.


Personally, I am still trying to navigate these waters. I am trying to learn how to meet people who have similar interests to me but also how to be a better friend myself. I am pushing myself to find time for the people I value and to be less generous with my time with people who I don't feel good around. And I am learning to appreciate the small things that my friends do for me and how they make my life better.

Outfit
Trousers: H&M (here)
Jumper: H&M (similar)
Shoes: New Look (similar)

What does friendship in adulthood mean to you?
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5 comments

  1. I really liked this post. From young age I had loads of friends but I moved to the UK I lost all of them. Then I've met a lot of good friends at Uni, unfortunately we all went our separate ways. I used to overthink this a lot but now I just feel that everything happens for a reason and there is a time and a place for everything! :) Maybe one day I'll find my perfect group of friends, until then I'll just appreciate the small things.

    Mariya | www.brunetteondemand.com

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  2. Ive found adulthood has decreased my friends dramatically but i am one of those people that prefer a few good close ones than a group of back stabbers!
    Elle x
    www.abloggersbeauty.com

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  3. It's definitely harder making friends when your an adult and just staying in touch is tricky as we all get so busy. x

    www.themakeupaficionado.com

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  4. I've definitely found it harder to make friends as an adult, I'm glad that I've managed to get myself a lovely group of friends through blogging.

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  5. I could relate so much. Thank you for this beautiful post girl!

    x Lisa | lisaautumn.com

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