Thursday, 1 March 2018

Our Breastfeeding Journey May Be Coming To An End

As I write this, I feel kinda sad. And even a little guilty. But, in all honesty, our breastfeeding journey seemed like it was doomed from the start.

When I was pregnant, I vowed that I'd breastfeed for as long as possible. I wanted that special bond with my baby - that quiet time together just being close. I have loved breastfeeding despite all the difficulties. It just feels so special to have her close to me and to know that I am nourishing her with all the goodness she needs. But we have faced many hurdles in this breastfeeding journey and now it is looking like we are nearing the end of the road.

When Ava was born, she weighed 2.49kg which is classed as a low birth weight. We were kept in hospital for 5 extra days as she struggled to latch on. I kept trying but eventually gave in and fed her formula. I tried every feed to get her to latch and eventually we managed. 

Over the next three months, we continued to combination feed her but I tried to breastfeed her as much as possible. I breastfed on buses, in restaurants, and anywhere else I needed to. It hurt - to the point that my nipples actually bled - but I wanted Ava to be breastfed. I kept pushing myself to carry on because I knew breast milk is good for her and I really wanted her to have the best possible start in life no matter what.

But now she is three months and she has such a big appetite. My milk supply is struggling to keep up and, in all honesty, I'm getting lazy. The formula is an easy option and sometimes I wonder if it's worth the fight of getting her to latch on and stay latched on.

I would have loved to have breastfed her until she was on to solid foods but now it is starting to look less and less possible. I wish that wasn't the case - I wish breastfeeding had gone marvellously and we could continue for many more months. But I guess I have to accept that Ava being fed is the priority - be it by breast or by bottle.

(Dislaimer: the formula milk bottles featured in the picture are ones that Isaac accidentally bought, not ones we use as Ava is only four months and still uses 'first milk' formula)


  1. This made me tear up as we have had a very difficult breastfeeding journey ourselves which involved a neonatal stay in the beginning, weight problems (not really a problem, I now know it was just bad advice). I also combined fed my daughter for many months. And I understand the feeling of being lazy and seeing the easy way out, these feelings are completely normal and valid. It all just depends on what you want. Do you want to continue breastfeeding even for just once or twice a day? Whatever makes you happy, do that. If you want to continue then seek help if you think you’re having suppy issues. If you don’t want to then give yourself a pat on the back because you fed Ava for 3 months! That is amazing! Despite all the struggles you went through, it’s really something to be proud of and don’t ever feel ashamed for making choice that is best for you xx

    Soffy //

    1. Thank you for your lovely comment - I have found that struggling to breastfeed is a very normal thing in this country (only 40% of UK women continuing with it until 6 months!) and so many people share my experience. We have decided to only bottle feed now. I feel a little sad about it but she just wasn't latching on xx

  2. I hear you. I felt such guilt when I stopped. His lip tie wasn't fixed, his latch was bad, and my supply was low. My PPD was a huge handicap too. But you know what? I went to my doctor and she gave me a huge pep talk. She reminded me of how extremely healthy formula is and how much of a miracle it's been for infants--and it just keeps getting better--and how no one's worth is or should be, based on the way they nourish their baby. It was the first voice of reason I heard and it snapped me out of my sadness. So I know the pain you're feeling now and I commend you for working so hard to give Ava what she needs, but she's got what she needs no matter what! She's got you :)


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